F woRd

I know that I made this spot on the internet to show the world the part of me that believes in Love and that I have another blog where I show the real me. Well guess what.., I am not that person.., I just fool myself that I am that person.

Once again, just when I thought that things would pick up in my life. I am again standing at the cross-roads. I am again forced to evaluate the life that I have and the life I want.

Have I become a better person? Am I happier? Does anybody even give a damn?

I know that instead of sulking, I should go out and enjoy life. That somehow,I am in control of my life.

Deep down, I know that I am just one big farce. I act tough so that I won't get hurt but I think right now, there is nothing else to hurt as I was already broken a couple of years ago. That right now, I only feel frustrated and numb. That all the disappointments that still come my way is nothing but the truth of life that I just accepted in my life. That nothing good ever ever lasts. That the people that I allow to matter and hope to stay with me will never hurt me as they would know how loyal I can be.

Time and time,reality that you can never rely on anyone never ceases to amaze me. So I'm gonna stop this farce. I will never be happy in life in this lifetime as I am a coward and I still let other people run over me.

But last 2 years I reinvented myself on becoming a person that would not settle for no and who has rebuilt the wall of detachment. This time from this point on, I will stop dreaming, I will stop wishing. No one can understand me and no one will ever bother to.

I am special, I am strong, I am unique but I am just a human being deep down inside but this time, I'll just cease to hope but just aim to make the journey better and faster.

I gotta stop believing that people can be honest and just accept and respect me as me.

That is my impossible dream and I will just focus on the things that I can do on my end and from this point on, just live for finding myself and who I am and what I wanna be.

My life may be a failure but I am not gonna allow it to make me want to stop breathing.